a day in bed, thinking.

thinking about sustainable local food and the great basin basket csa and the great basin food co-op and gardening in general...we produce everything in the gbbcsa baskets except the lettuces in our own garden, but I was thinking about buying the spring basket deal next semester (even though it wouldn't kick in til more than halfway through the spring academic calendar) to make myself eat salads, as well as learn new recipes to incorporate foods I might not otherwise eat, and how those two things are probably a really good idea.  the cost is the same as another supply I stockup on at the beginning of the semester, and probably a lot better for me...I could substitute without altering my meager student budget.  if I had a spare thousand dollars, I'd probably go whole hog and buy the three seasonal baskets for april through december fresh produce.

also thinking about volunteering time and cleverness to the co-op because it's something I believe in and they need people.  I have a bit of time (and they're not asking for tons), and the discount makes the better food equivalently priced (especially when one considers my local grocer is raley's - pricey).

considering the idea that settling down with someone I wouldn't want to have/raise children with might not be a barrier if I don't actually want children...which is a whole other mess of conversation with regard to overpopulation, idiocracy, bad genes, fiscal responsibility...it's weird how that whole biological clock thing is real.  as I get older, the more I think I want to hold a baby, nurse one, impart wisdom and optimism into a tiny person's soul and see them off to do well in the world.  I think I could be content raising a baby, managing a household (I was actually really good at it (minus the baby part) while living in Dominica - ended up surprised at how fulfilling it could be to manage a household, cooking new and interesting things, keeping the place clean, learned a lot about what I can do without in this life)...women's lib was really a crock of horseshit, since the backlash means that society as I know it frowns on any female who is content to be a housewife as slothful or having no ambition (which is extra especially crapola since being a housewife is the craziest most demanding fulltime job there is if one doesn't rely on a nanny and housekeeper).  the movement completely robbed me of my ability to bake and sew for my food and shelter.  too bad I can't barter handspun/handknit  items and dog obedience training  for everything I need in this life. ironically, and I say 'ironic' in its truest sense because it's the feedback I've gotten from many people, for all my clever quick-wittedness and assertive bitchiness I generally have no ambition toward anything specific.  I don't mind hard work, I love learning new things, but I have no desire for monetary extravagances beyond what I can live on, and no ambition for power or authority.

maybe I should just finish my degree, do some groundbreaking research, and retire on my laurels.  I could actually retire (stop earning income, now, at 28) on like half a million dollars. I could live off that for sixty years (plus whatever attentive investing could raise would be a bonus)...that's half a nobel prize.  maybe a whole one after taxes and stuff.

the not knowing what I want to be when I grow up doesn't really bother me, I feel no pressure. the pressure comes from seeing babies and wanting one.  wanting to feel pregnancy and to teach a little human everything I know...emotionally.  rationally, I want no such thing - children are expensive, there are already too many of them on the planet, and any child I have will most likely be terribly intelligent and adorable...and then die young of something internal and malignant.

bah. maudlin thinking, that. moving on.

am enrolled in a program that offers a lot of possibility, lots of interesting things, but have a deep seated need to avoid one of the instructors, because she is downright terrible at her job. truly terrible - assignments' value, content, and due date have all been known to change capriciously, sometime within days of the assigning, sometimes not until the night before something is due, and I am not someone who feels they've learned much in a completely disorganized setting like this - so the only way  I'm going to make it through the program is if I can find other sections/instructors for the classes she teaches.  also, if I want to join the BS/MS combo program, I'll need to declare that sometime soon.

enough for now, maybe. gonna go check next semester's schedule so I can register on monday with some sort of plan already in place.